Mushy-Brained Kooks

This week, I decided to write an advice column, so here is my advice for the week:

Settlers of Catan: you should play it.

Pursuit of Happyness: you might want to watch it.

Princess Bride: if you don’t like it, you are a communist and not right in the head.

Chipotle: you should eat it, or rather the food made there.

Drug ads in magazines: you should read them. They are a hoot.

I saw a list of possible side effects for an insomnia drug the other day. One of them was drowsiness. Is it just me, or does it seem a bit worrisome that we now have to warn people things might actually do what they were designed to do? Has it become so common for people to use things for things for which they (the things) were not designed and then sue the makers of said things for not telling them (the people) not to do such things (ridiculously irrational acts of complete and utter incompetence)?

Product labels are another source of great fun. My shampoo bottle this morning greeted me with “hey good-looking.” Ah, how nice it is be complimented by my shampoo. Without that, I might go through the entire day thinking I was horribly unattractive. Although I should think better marketing for a shampoo bottle might be something like “hey nappy bed head, you need a good shampooing, and I am just the shampoo you need.” If the shampoo already thinks I am good-looking, what motivation do I have to wash my hair, thereby risking my pre-existing good looks? In fact, I might see that bottle and decide I don’t even need to take a shower. Of course, all of this supposes I depend on shampoo bottles to determine my self worth, in which case I would be certifiably insane.

There are really only two logical conclusions to these observations:

1) Consumers are mushy-brained kooks.
2) Product labels are written by mushy-brained kooks.

I am leaning toward number 2.

Well, I’d love to stay and chat more about it, but I am off to try melting down my watch in the microwave. Timex never said I shouldn’t do that.